A member of our church who works in a court in north London sent these to me. I have checked, and for once they appear to be genuine. 

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of biting their lip to stay calm while these exchanges were taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
does know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition which I
sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
A: Yes.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

______________________________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________________________________

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law
somewhere.

10 Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. 12 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.

v.10  Before we came to Christ we were lost and dying individuals, but since we were born again we were not just saved individually, but we are made part of God's new people. YHWH had a people before (Israel), and now He has taken a remnant of the Jews, and added to them Gentiles who have come to Christ to make a new people.
This is the description of this new people - they are the people who have received mercy (the "you" in this sentance relates to the church, not just to an individual). Wouldn't it be wonderful if the greates thing that the world saw about the church was that we were the people who had received mercy - this was our greatest chracteristic.
v.11 Peter calls these believers beloved. Church leaders need to have this kind of love for their people. I like the word 'urge; it's not a command but a strong encouragement; an excellent way to be leading people. A sojourner is some one who is staying some where that is not their home (like a visitor). An exile is someone who has to live in a foreign country- away from home. This is us, and needs to be our attitude- we do not be long here, the world'S values are not ours, our culture should be completely different. 
In the light of this we should abstain from passions of the flesh - these are things that are driven by our bodies that can damage our souls (mind, emotions). E.g. Gluttony, sexual lusts, drunkenness, addictions. These are not neutral, they affect our souls- they wage war against our minds and emotions.
v.12 Why does Peter refer to those outside as gentiles. The previous verses have sounded a lot like he was addressing Jews, but the statements do only apply to the church - both Jew & Gentile. Is he using Gentile as as a shorthand for non-Christians? Or is he thinking of the Gentiles within the community who are living a pagan lifestyle, rather than Jews who are living differently?
Whichever it is, we are meant to live honourably among them. What does it mean to be honourable - but it suggests being people who are honoured by others because of our lifestyle (and perhaps also that we are giving honour to others). This is a huge challenge, living a life that makes non-Christians want to honour us - amazing!
Both then and now people speak against Christians because of things they have heard or think they know about us. So often when people meet and get to know a Christian they say things like "I never met a Christian who is so kind/honest/helpful etc.". When people get to know us it should dispel the myths they have about Christianity (not confirm them!). Our lifestyles therefore need to be so different from the world around us, and if they are it will lead people to Christ, and encourage them to glorify God and get ready for His return.